Friday, December 08, 2006

We are soap

Let's not be frightened of rumours. If you are even seen walking around with a member of staff of the opposite sex, the kids will speculate that you are in love. We are their entertainment, their soap opera... Here's a tip. Don't deny. Elaborate. Many years ago I would support a young male colleague in his two hours of Friday afternoon hell with the bottom set by drifting into his lesson to 'sort a few bits of paper out' at the back of the classroom every week. After a while the kids started teasing him and he got flustered. Finally, one of them challenged me. 'Are you and Sir going to get married?'
'Yes.' I answered. 'When my divorce from the Head comes through. And when Mr Jones gets custody of his kids from Miss Simpson in Art.'
They shut up.

PS Many years later another colleague was accused of fancying me by a Lower Sixth group. 'No, no' he protested, flushing 'Ms Pepperpot has a boyfriend.'
'And I bet they just sit and make spreadsheets together' came a sarcastic voice from the back of the class...


Anonymous said...

I like your method of engagement, couldn’t agree more. I recently found out my 8-year-old nephew was being bullied by a group. I told him to identify the ringleader & as soon as he spoke, I told my nephew to say in a high squeaky voice,

“You talk like a girl”.

I then told him to repeat everything that bully number one said, in the same squeaky voice. But warned him not to use the same tactic for any other member of the gang. My plan was to isolate the bully in front of his cronies so that he would fear targeting my nephew. Also instructing nephew just to repeat bullies words made it easier. Ie he didn’t have to think of witty replies.


Next time I hear. Bully & gang approach nephew & start usual tricks.

Nephew starts talking back in high-pitched girly voice.

Forgetting to start with, “you talk like a girl”.

Oops. I think I’ll leave the advice racket alone for now.

Melodramatic Supernova said...

I can think of at least three examples of this off the top of my head.

Last year, a year 7 form was convinced that their music teacher was going out with the head of the department. When a well behaved pupil was sent to fetch the head of the department, to take someone who was refusing to leave out of a music lesson, a sarcastic voice came from the front.

“Well, he would have to go and get his girl friend to help him out.”

However, last assembly, they were all certain that he was eyeing up the Head of PE.

Another instance of this was when some girls were convinced that their science teacher fancied an IT technician.

“Hi Miss,” said one of them. “We saw the TECHNICIAN today.”

“Did you?” she replied. “That’s nice.”

“Yeah, he was flirting with Mrs Clarke,” said another one.

And finally, one of the most complex love situations.

A year eight girl thought that the deputy head teacher fancied a lawyer, who had come in to help some gifted and talented pupils with preparation for a competition, as apparently her skirt had steadily been rising upwards all throughout the afternoon. Unfortunately, I was told, he did not seem interested in her. This was all complicated by the fact that she was already married. As a matter of fact, so was the lawyer- to the school receptionist.

People say that watching too much television stunts young people’s imaginations. In fact, as proved here, it does the complete opposite.